fears and dreams

A long time passed since my last article. Truth is, i wanted to write this at the start of the month, but as i sadly am a lazy person, a week elapsed. So, let’s start with a briefing of what happened during this time.

Do you remember the prototype images of the game i wanted to complete on january? well, now is out! i postponed it for the march submission, and yet i still missed to do a lot of things. Nevertheless, i decided it was time to wrap up things and start something new. I decided it considering that anyway i had a working game prototype, with the main things a game needs. Furthermore, i was tired of beign stuck on an idea that with time became less entertaining. I had the desire to work on something new. I am still not sure of what to do next, but it will probably be fun, and surely i have learned a lot about how to manage my work time :3

A brief post mortem is also necessary here, since i learned some interesting things this time:

the first thing i regret, is doing a remake of my first game (the LD25 Goblin Rampage). There are no valid reasons to decide to do something like this. No, wait . There is one. I didn’t know it was a so boring decision!

Instead of using a similar plot, i could have worked on something more interesting. Instead i did something that i need to avoid: stick to what i already know. And this is useless in many ways. The main point beign , doing something that i already knew killed half of the fun of learning how to make games.

Also, i really spent too much time on the development. I waited 3 months to publish something that had to be finished in 10 days! and as time passed between personal life and actual development, the interest was fading away. Luckily, i was determined enough to get the game to the finish line, but i don’t want to experience the same thing in future. That is, feeling to be forced on working on a project that i am not enjoying anymore.

That said, there are times when i enjoyed this project. When i finally had a working level, i was really happy. I was moved by the fact that what i was playing was done by the ground up by me. It proved again that i really like making games. It’s something really exciting, and very rewarding.

Now i could talk about the mechanic aspect of the game ( isometric collisions beign the main topic) , but i think i would miss the point. It surely important what i learned in terms of tech or programming, but i think that a developer, especially during the development of the first games,  should focus more about what he learned about himself and his feelings while drawing, writing, or programming. When do i have fun developing a game? when do i feel frustrated, and why? what should i do to be more productive, while fueling the creativity light? when do i need to persist, or when do i need to scrap everything and start new?

It’s the philosophy of the developer, i’d say, that needs the most caring attention, because it rules how your approach on making games will work, and whether or not you will pose limits to how much creativity you infuse to your games. Everyone lusts for the genial ingenuity of the kids, but getting rid of adulthood, countless layers of dogmas, preconceptions and bad habits , is pretty hard.

This is a difficult time of my life. During this months i mainly studied for some university exams, and sadly my results weren’t what i hoped for. Not too bad, but neither good enough.

I am seriously considering what to do with university. While what i am learning is certainly useful and gives really good work opportunities, and i also had the chance to grow some maturity in my bones, I also feel that that world is taking me away from what i really want to do.

The fear brought by others and by myself on this uncertain path is hard to deal with. I constantly ask myself what to do. Should i focus only on one thing? go to compromises?

One day i will have to state a clear decision. What i wish is to not make a half assed one.

I want to put my hearth in what i will do. this way, either way my life will go, i will have no regrets on this decision.

 

Plans for the immediate future? well, this month 1GAM theme is “spring”. Today started the GPC game jam, and at the end of the month LD26 will start. Lots of acronyms, and lots of fun too. I will apply what i learned from my past experiences and make something that me, the writer, and you, the reader, will hopefully enjoy. Till the next update, Good day.